: march 2002: a whole screen full of the letter j :

update 144
I spent
most of the weekend hanging out with Beth in Media, PA, just outside Philadelphia, talking about our respective general angsts, the controlled insanity of the last two years, and what to do next.

We also got out: ate at various restauants, caught "American Modern, 1925-1940: Design For a New Age" at the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Art, browsed record shops on South Street, had a drink at an open-air cafe, and watched a decent amount of TV. Each of the two days were capped off with a drink at the Town House, a musty, legitimately quirky bar and restaurant in Media featuring popcorn and peanuts, various real, dead animal heads on the wall, and a real, living, middle-aged woman playing ragtime numbers on a pair of keyboards in the back corner.

The conversation was alternately heavy and light. Beth is moving into an apartment within Philadelphia with a roommate she doesn't know very well, so she had that to think about. There is also the matter of the company she works for, which she likes but may or may not be on somewhat shaky ground.

I'm in the process of trying to figure out what the heck to do with my life. Do I want to leave Pittsburgh? Do I want to stay? What are the potential implications and/or consequences of each side?

Beth said that, when she was thinking about how the weekend might be, she imagined I'd say, "I don't know," a lot. And of course I did. Sitting at the bar in the Town House, sipping an Amstel Light, watching Pitt lose the championship game of the Big East Tournament in double overtime to UConn, there were no clear answers.

I woke up early the next day and got a fast start, but the driving conditions were less ideal (e.g. more windy) than they had been on Friday. The headwinds were bad enough that I required an extra third of a tank of gas, and my Escort was seriously jostled in a few places, moistening my palms, but leaving both car and driver unscathed.

Getting back was bittersweet. I was to come home to my life and my stuff, but rather unhappy about the fact that I was returning to Pittsburgh. At this point, I'm pretty sure I want to leave town, but I also don't want to leave what I have. Blah, blah, blah. It goes around and around.

In the meantime, there is my Roadtrip a Month campaign. In April, Cindy, Dave and I will drive to Washington D.C. That is Dave's home territory, so it should be interesting.


update 145
The Squirrel Cage was a depressing place last night. I got there before Dave and ordered a pitcher of IC Light. Anne brought it over and sat down across from me.

"So you heard about Gerry?" she said.

"No," I said. "Who is that? What about him?"

"He had thick, black hair," Anne said, "He used to come here all the time. He was killed in New York last week."

Right then it came together. I'd read something in the Post Gazette about a 25-year-old aspiring artist and musician from Pittsburgh being murdered in his Brooklyn apartment, but I didn't recognize the name: Gerald Bacasa.

I should have figured with the age and interest similarity and the general smallness of Pittsburgh that I knew the guy, but it being in the newspaper and all, it didn't occur to me. I re-read the brief a couple of times, felt bad, and kept on reading.

But when I heard Anne's description, I knew immediately who it was. He was un-missable on the street or in the Cage or any of the other, various bars around, flamboyantly Mod to the point of not looking like a regular person, but a star. Only he wasn't a star. Not yet, anyway.

This, from the Newsday:

Bacasa, who moved to New York City two years ago from his native Pittsburgh, worked as a waiter's assistant at Joe's Pub on Lafayette Street in the West Village. Relatives said he was determined to "make it big" in his adopted city with music and art, and had recently been featured as a model in V Magazine.

also:

Bacasa's sister had recently visited him in his Brooklyn home, relatives recalled, and the two bought a $7 copy of V, a European fashion magazine, at a newsstand the day it came out.

I didn't really know Gerald Bacasa -- the only times I tried to make conversation were at a bar and a party, both times in an advanced stage of the evening, and neither really worked out -- but I began to feel sick as I watched his friends, the Pittsburgh Scenesters of Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow, file into the Cage, dressed in black. It was surreal and sad.

Life is difficult. That much is abundantly clear to me at this point. But sometimes it's worse than that, and I'm really not sure what to do in those instances. Or what to say. Or what to think.


update 146
The weekend is over.
Long live the weekend.

Just got back from a memorable show the band did with True Love Always and Weird Paul at the Mr. Roboto Project, a one room co-op in Pittsburgh's East End. There were five paying customers, which is fewer than one would prefer, but it was a lot of fun. TLA were great and Weird Paul lived up to his name, doing a five-song set of Billy Joel covers in a Billy Joel mask. That in and of itself would have been strange, probably not quite weird. But Paul topped it all off by changing all the important words to "cake," and serving an actual cake to the crowd. It was classic.

At the risk of veering off into Cheesy, Obvious Territory (well, I'm sure this Web page already did that a long, long time ago), shows like tonight get at the reason people are in bands. Or, at least, should be. For the overwhelming majority of us, being in a group isn't going to make us even moderately rich or famous. We do it because we like to play, and because we like to share our music with other people. It doesn't really matter how many.

Last night, kind of at the last minute, Cindy and I decided to go catch the New Alcindors at the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern. I'd just written a story about that band for the City Paper and really liked their demo and the guys in general, so I figured it might be fun to see them play and, in the process, score a few BBT pierogies. And they did not disappoint. I've never heard a band that sounds so much like the background music for the basketball scenes in "The White Shadow," and I mean that in the best way possible. It was a fun, fun show.

When we got back, Cindy and I caught the end of an episode of Changing Rooms, with which I've been semi-obsessed since my Philadelphia trip. I must have been very tired, because the last thing I remember is a woman on the show, unhappy with her drastically changed living room, saying, with a thick British accent, "I hate it."

I should probably wrap this message up now, or maybe my last memory tonight will be of Notpad or my computer or something equally unsavory. One day, back was a junior in college, I passed out in front of my friend's desktop. In the morning, there was a whole screen full of the letter j.